MISHA, I LOVE YOU!

All, if you want to hear the song and see the filmclip to one of the songs I did 'the running man' to in my home videos (I either ran REALLY fast or REALLY slow, I don't remember - probably a mix of both), please check out Misha's 'other' (read: highly questionable) site. She's going to kill me for bringing light to it, but it really is a must see. I laughed my arse off for the first two loops. Tina, you MUST check it out.

That's right, I'm the resident weirdo. For as long as I can remember, I never really felt like I fit into any groups or cliques. Through school, work, playgroup, family, mates, nothing. I have always been the one who thought weird stuff, took the joke one step too far, said something I shouldn't have, or asked the stupid question. How do I tackle situations like that? Well, I used to laugh it off and ask the awkward funny that's so far stood the test of time, 'So... you... like stuff?' Then one day I realised that nobody even bothered to laugh it off to HUMOUR ME, so I stopped going out and putting myself in said awkward situations.

A part of me likes that 'quirky' side to me. On the odd occasion that someone actually 'gets' me, the conversation is an absolute riot - arms flail, laughter ensues, and I've made a friend for life. Even with my closest friends, I'll be the one to say that buzzkill line, when whatever golden conversation we were having two seconds ago ceases to exist, faster than ice in hellfire. Suffice to say, for the most part, I go it alone.

Maybe my sense of humour is low-brow and, at times, vulgar. But I think, comparing myself to others my age and whatever responsibility I've bestowed upon myself, I'm entitled to whatever kicks I can get, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Probably doesn't help that I double over in laughter when I watch people get hurt.

Aaaaaaanyways, this post was meant to be about the weird conversations I've had at work through my job. I work in a call centre for a pathology company, getting patient results out to doctors, troubleshooting, calming down patients, hospitals, doctors, parents, etc. I love the social aspect of this job, because my interaction is fleeting, and people who want to know me ask for me. No commission, just do my job, bang bang bang.

Obviously, my job requires a hefty dose of professionalism, which I love -- this job and how I handle it gives me purpose outside of my role as a mother. I love that I can gel with doctors, patients, and labstaff alike, and I love that I have a great reputation here. Which brings me to blow ponderous bubbles as to how some people can get away with asking stupid questions and posing ridiculous topics as the basis of an ongoing phone conversation. Maybe it's because you don't know what the person you're speaking to looks like, you can let that particular guard down, I don't know. But here are some of the GREATLY AWKWARD conversations I've had over the phone:

IVF Nurse: Oh! She's ovulating! YES!
Me: Uh... ahaha! Ha?

Dr: These are my results, do NOT send them to the surgery.
Me: Okay.
Dr: Once you fax this to my home, destroy it immediately.
Me: Okay.
Dr: Eat it. Hahahahaha!
Me: Hahaha...? Okay.

Vet: This bitch is in heat.
Me: Yes (Biting my tongue, trying not to say 'werd!' or 'yo!')

Patient: I need to get a semen sample to the lab within the hour.
Me: Yes, you do.
Patient: Do you, uh, have facilities there?
Me: No.

Patient: Is a carrot a vegetable?
Me: ...Yes.

How do these people get away with it? I spent my entire life becoming a cocky little twat saying awkward stuff (both intentionally and not so intentionally) only to find that I WASN'T funny, thus tearing down my own self-esteem and becoming as fragile as a peel-off face mask. Argh!

I've resigned myself to the label of 'not-really-funny, weirdo awkward bird.' For the ones who've stuck by me, for whatever reason, thank you.

Psh!!! People!!! I will never get you!!!