More valuable than a precious, pumping fart.
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AdageAll that rot
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DSOC 211005Have you ever upset someone to the core of their very being? I think I did that today in a major way, the sum of several run-ins on the same topic, just pushing further and further.
About an hour ago, after I put the Mung Bean down to bed, I had a steaming hot bubble bath. Candles, book, bourbon, music, the whole kit & kaboodle. I turned my phones off, my computer volume down, and swore total me-time. The bath itself was really nice, since I haven't run myself a candle-lit bath in two years. The time alone was excruciating. I read about half a paragraph and couldn't concentrate. I brought in a bottle of Knob Creek, a bottle of Coke, and half a tray of ice-cubes. I figured downing four would take me about an hour in the bath, so that was my clock. I drank four, as self-prescribed. An hour's worth, at home by myself, at least. Hopping out after what seemed like forever, I walked into my room to check the clock. I was in there for 27 minutes. I've hurt someone very close, and I'm scared to face them again. I know this time a simple 'sorry' doesn't cut it, but I don't know how to make it better again. The problem is religion, and my problem is I'm a hypocrite -- I can't keep an open mind, nor do I have any solid opinion on it, myself. I never know when to stop until it's way too late. I'm always fucking up shit like this all the time -- this is why I don't have many friends. I need time alone to sort myself out, I'm a mess. That, and I don't want to talk right now. God, when did I become such a fucking asshole? |