Regulars would have noticed that I've been lacking in posting enthusiasm over the last few months. Over the last couple days (weeks?), I've been feeling especially off - lethargy, lack of concentration, lack of motivation, lack of enthusiasm, lack of direction.

Actually, that last one's not quite right. I know where I'm going, and I like what I've got to look forward to. I've just been feeling helpless, waiting and waiting and waiting for my current circumstances to run their natural course. As someone who goes out and gets things done, I've felt completely disabled. It was slowly starting to affect my time at home, my time at work, everything.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a meltdown, so I thought I'd nip it in the bud and see a doctor.

I was told I'm suffering from exhaustion, and that I'm a normally stressful and anxious person, so all of that put together has fritzed me out. We talked a lot about my life before, during, and after right now, and the doctor said that he didn't think I was a candidate for anti-depressants - I was able and had a plan, that anti-depressants would only prolong my bad mojo when what I'm after is a solution.

That's a good thing, since if there's any way possible, I'm looking to remedy my melancholy without chemical influence. So I asked if I should speak with a professional, if there was anywhere nearby, and unbiased, who I could spill to. He said sure, but he didn't think that was for me, either.

This doctor then revealed that he was a qualified chiropractor, and that I should give that a go first. I don't know too much about it, except that I have a bad back, and there is a LOT of cracking to his job. It made me nervous in the back of my girlbits, but I was willing to give anything a shot.

He asked me a barrage of questions as he felt my upper back. He asked if I had jumbled speech in groups, insomnia, dizziness, clumsiness, etc. I said yes to all but one. He asked if I had headaches, I said yes. He said that was very bad, as he dug his thumbs into the nape of my neck.

Apparently, all my symptoms don't lead to mental illness. They are a physical illness, a result of long term severe neck trauma.

1. Neck trauma is associated with deformation and inflammation.
2. Healing of the trauma produces locking of the vertebrae by the formation of brittle adhesions embedded with calcium.
3. The vertebral arteries are irritated by lack of mobility and pressure-points.
4. The vertebral artery irritation is transfeered to the arterioles in the brain via the intramural nervous plexuses of the arteries - causing vasospasm and hence, cerebral hypoperfusion.

A hilarious but serious suggestion of being dropped on my head, Dr said that I had brittle adhesions in my neck, and that it was so twisted out of place that I was not getting enough blood flow to my brain. I wasn't getting enough endorphins in my brain to make (and keep) me one of those shiny, happy people.

He performed four chiropractic treatments on me:

1. Lumbar and thoracic spinal manipulation - I lay on the bed, he grabbed my shoulder and hip and yanked them in the opposite direction.
2. Cervical spine manipulation - he cracked my neck. I shrieked, he laughed, I laughed. Good times.
3. Thoracic spine manipulation 1 - he picked me up from behind and jangled me.
4. Thoracic spine manipulation 2 - he sat me on the ground, I locked my fingers behind my head, he weaved his arms through mine and dug his knee in my back.

I was poppin' and lockin' like a foo, and it felt great. He said that I was guaranteed a good night's sleep for last night, and if I didn't, I could come back to yell at him. He also said that my nightmares should go away if I see him regularly, since that should clear up my insomnia and I should have normal levels of blood flowing to my brain. Failing that, he said he'll refer me to a specialist (psychologist or neurologist), but he didn't see me regressing much further than that.

He did, however, issue a very stern warning that if I leave my neck unattended as is, my physical illness could very well shift into a fully-blown mental illness, so if I can't see him again (he works closer to M), that I should find one close to home. Whew.

He suggested I come back once a week to see him, as that was the ideal, but I can only manage once a fortnight. I am definitely going to try to keep this up with him, since he has got to be one of the best doctors I've ever come across - he wasn't quick on dealing scripts or producing numbers, and he really listened to me.

That, and because I just had the best night's sleep in a very long time.